Monthly Archives: March 2016

Rumor going viral in DC

An unverified rumor which is attributed to an anonymous White House source:

“If the Donald or Ted wins the presidency, President Obama has said that he will take the nuclear codes with him when he returns to Chicago. Special defenses to protect them from Rahm Emanuel are being prepared.”

Crisis at the Canadian Border

 

‘The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The Republican Presidential primary campaign is prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and live according to conservative ideas about the Constitution.

‘Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists, and “green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.

‘ “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

‘In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just keep coming.

‘Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.

‘ “A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though, and some kale chips.”

‘When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.

‘In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

‘Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up all the Barbara Streisand c.d.’s, and renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?” ‘

–  Correspondent unknown

More Quotes

A few more from my collection.

All history is the history of unintended consequences. – Jackson Lears

Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power.  – Eric Hoffer

In religion and politics, people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination. – Mark Twain

Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. – George Bernard Shaw

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.  – Malcolm Forbes

A gaffe is a politician inadvertently telling an inconvenient truth.  –  Michael Kinsley

I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it. – Rita Mae Brown

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. – Woody Allen

What gets us into trouble is not what we don’t know. It’s what we know for sure that just ain’t so.  –  Mark Twain

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone. – Harriet Beecher Stowe

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain’t nothin’ can beat teamwork.  – Edward Abbey

It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.  – Pierre Beaumarchais

Some people will never learn anything because they understand everything too soon.  – Alexander Pope

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking – H. L. Mencken

Practical men, who believe themselves to be quite exempt from any intellectual influences, are usually the slaves of some defunct economist. – John Maynard Keynes

Getting the VA

I had the impression, based on articles that I had read, that the health care provided veterans by the Veteran’s Administration is of very high quality as well as cost-effective. So I have been confused by recent attacks on the VA and calls for outsourcing its health care functions to private enterprise.

Here’s an article in the Washington Monthly, entitled “The VA Isn’t Broken, Yet: Inside the Koch brothers’ campaign to invent a scandal and dismantle the country’s most successful health care system.”  It sheds a different light on the issue and It reminds me of the right wing campaign against the Post Office Department.

This is a good, if long, piece of investigative reporting. It’s a good example of the depth and effectiveness of the Koch brother’s propaganda machine and of how little it is noticed by the media. Reflect too on the fact that it’s all paid for with tax deductible contributions.